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Do you like drinking and don’t mind spending a lot of money on it? Have you ever wished all your booze could be infused with the subtle aftertaste of model-boob? Your weird prayers have been answered, and titty-touched liquor is now a thing:
A German liquor company called G-Spirits is promising customers that “every drop” of its line of alcoholic beverages has been poured on the naked breasts of a certified model — with her approval, of course.
The brand sells rum, whisky and vodka, necessary for making a truly dirty martini.
Want to get close to a Playmate of the Year?
The booze brand brags that its barrel-aged whisky has been thoroughly splashed on the ample bosom of Alexa Varga, Hungary’s 2012 Playboy Playmate of the Year.
Because a navel full of tequila is a thing of beauty.
Don’t drink and drive. That’s pretty basic; it’s not worth the pain in the ass if you get caught, and it’s not worth getting yourself killed. If you were to do it, though, definitely don’t do it in the dumbest way possible, like this dude:
A man suspected of driving under the influence made it easy for officers to catch him in the act early Sunday morning.
According to Chief Mark Stinson of the Sonora Police Dept., 59-year-old Steven Lavine was parked in a private lot across from the police station on South Green St. At around 12:05 a.m., Levine backed out of the lot and did not stop until he hit the police station.
Officers inside the station heard a loud crash and when they went to investigate, saw a 1995 Ford truck had hit the southeast corner of the recently remodeled building. Police personnel then watched as Lavine drove away down South Green Street, said Stinson.
He hit the police station backing up from across the street. We bet when they caught him, he was embarrassed. I mean, nobody has the stones to be an ass after that kind of screw-up, right?
When officers contact Lavine, he asked the officers if they, “didn’t have anything better to do, like chase criminals,” said Stinson.
Shit, turns out he does. Shit.
You have to pick your friends carefully to survive the truly hard parties. You need someone who will stick by you in times of trouble, and take you to the hospital if you really, really overdo it. This student got it half right:
An Arizona State University student is recovering after being left, unconscious, in the emergency room at a Valley hospital.
Tempe police tell ABC15 the 20-year-old man was dropped off at St. Luke’s Hospital sometime late Friday night or early Saturday morning. He was reportedly left in a wheelchair in the hospital ER with a note taped to his chest that had his name and his phone number.
The man appeared to be unconscious and had a blood alcohol level of .47, according to police.
It’s believed the incident took place during a fraternity party.
When Ellen DeGeneres asked Gwyneth Paltrow about how it was to wear a waist-down revealing dress(seen above) to the Ironman 3 premier, she got somewhat more than she bargained for:
“I said, ‘No, I got a big ’70s bush.’ Which I was kidding,” she clarified about telling host Ellen DeGeneres that she was in desperate need of a razor that night to properly don her Antonio Berardi dress.
“But then it was all a disaster and now I look like an 8-year-old girl, basically.”
Paltrow even commented that when she gets her body waxed she needs her gal pals by her side.
“Every time I have a bikini wax, Cameron Diaz holds me down,” she said.
The GOOP goddess ended her revealing interview by raising a glass with the Australian duo saying, “Cheers to our hairless vaginas!”
That’s right: Cameron Diaz holds Gwyneth Paltrow down while some poor servant rips her undercarriage carpet out with hot wax. And in this case, they seem to have just kept ripping until there just wasn’t anything left to take. Do with that information what you will. This is after admitting to being drunk in a morning interview just a few days before:
“I’m drunk already. I am,” the woman recently named “World’s Most Beautiful” by People magazine said laughing.
“A martini went straight to my head, and now wine. With no food. So just watch out.”